MY BEAUTIFUL CREATION

My child,

Today marks three years since I lost you but I don't remember you with sadness anymore. It has been quite a Journey and I must say it hasn't been easy.  May 1st is always a tough day for me but today,  I remember you in a different way. I am nolonger sad when the thought of you crosses my mind.  I smile because I know that every thing worketh together for good. 

The Lord has given me peace my child. I may be weak and cry sometimes, sometimes my heart is hurting and my soul is lonely but hey my beautiful creation, though my hands my be empty, every beat of my heart says I remember you. 

You are in a beautiful place and that makes me smile, and that's how I want to remember you today. I promise you that I won't cry today, instead I will remember your movements in my tummy with a smile. The changes you brought to my body were immense and it's a constant reminder that were present. How I love my body....❤❤❤. The richest man in the world is one who comes home to his kids even when his hands are empty.  Even though my hands are empty, I am rich because I carry you in my heart everywhere I go.

Just because God works incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesnt mean He orchestrated the tragedy. Dont ever assume that God using something means that He caused it or that He needed it to accomplish his purposes.

This is why today this verses keep me going: Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in deep mire. Where there is no standing; I have come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. I am weary with my crying: my throat is dry; my eyes fail while I wait for my God." Psalm 69:1-3

My child all the pictures of you are kept safe. I never got to hold you. I never got to rock you to sleep, then watch silently as you breathe in and out in the most perfect rhythm. I never got to smell your sweet baby scent. I will never be able to let you feed yourself, only for you to get baby food all over the place. I will never get the chance to help you take your first steps and pick you up when you fall trying. I will never be able to hear you call my name in your little voice. I will never have any photos on my walls of you and me. I won't ever get to hear you tell me you love me, but I love you.

I will never be able to drop you off at your first day of school, and cry the whole way home because I realize you're growing up. I won't ever be able to help you find a hobby or sport you're interested in, and yell, "Put my kid in, Coach!" at the top of my lungs until you're embarrassed 😂😂😂. I will never be the one you yell for when you have a bad dream, or cuddle with when there is a storm, but I love you.

I will never be able to watch you grow and become your own person. I won't ever be able to laugh at your jokes. I will never teach you how to drive. I won't able to watch you go on your first date. I won't be able to stay up late to help you with your homework when you need my help. I won't ever be able to be the most proud momma in the world while watching you graduate from college. I will never get to watch you grow into an adult and find a spouse, get married, then have a family of your own, but I love you.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you and how old you would be had you not gone to Heaven so soon. I fell in love with you the day I found out about you, and I will never ever stop loving you. You will forever and always be my baby.

Love,

MAMMA