SAVE ME FROM MYSELF
Most Christians including myself have not let go of self or died to
self. The concept of “dying to self” is found throughout the New
Testament. It expresses the true essence of the Christian life, in which
we take up our cross and follow Christ. Dying to self is part of being
born again; the old self dies and the new self comes to life (John
3:3–7, Genesis 32:21-31). Not only are Christians born again when we
come to salvation, but we also continue dying to self as part of the
process of sanctification. As such, dying to self is both a one-time
event and a lifelong process. When I was growing up, I wanted others to
see me as good enough, worthy and outstanding. As I grew older and
became a Christian these drives didn't disappear. They became
christianized . I wanted to show my Heavenly Father that his grace was
not poured on me in vain.
Sincerity was not the issue. Rather, self-consciousness and self-focus were. At some point they started to bother me because my sin and pride were tightly woven throughout. Once the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to this attitude, I wanted God to control this area of my life. So I prayed and read God's Word for answers, but was still left with many questions and unfulfillment. Some Scriptures said to focus my ministry and my life on God and God alone. I agreed with those Scriptures. I pursued God and gave him the credit when he used me for something. Phrases such as, "It wasn't me; it was Christ working through me," and "Praise God, praise God" became frequent. Sometimes, however, they sounded insincere and every time pride kicked in. Some people felt awkward when I used those phrases. I began to feel the same and realized I behaved like Peter, James and John when they were on the Mount of Transfiguration with Jesus. I wanted to camp out here. Then boom!! It hit me that I was out of balance.
The Holy Spirit prompted me to something, A Need For brokenness. I had to tap my shoulder and remind myself that I needed to surrender. Sometimes when God wants to sensitize you about brokenness he takes away the most important thing from us. He may cause pain but he supports and provides the strength you need to keep going. The amount of pain you experience in times of brokenness depends on what is being broken (jealousy, pride, greed, lustful thoughts and actions, etc) and how long it has been a part of your life. Brokenness is a sign of His love and activity in your life. He breaks your self-reliance because He loves you. He knows if you are left on your own, you would yield to pride and selfish feelings.
You may loose a relationship, a career, a marriage, a business etc so that God can make you learn how to give up your will and allow his. Brokenness stops at the point where your spirit yields to God's will. The moment He senses a true desire within you to obey His Word is when He eases the pain.
God will never allow brokenness to crush you. God's ultimate goal for brokenness is spiritual victory. The Lord had one thing in mind for the brokenness Paul experienced, and that was spiritual victory. You will soon discover that only Jesus Christ can take your weakness and turn it into strength, hope, and honor. We are redeemed, Halleluyah!! 
Sincerity was not the issue. Rather, self-consciousness and self-focus were. At some point they started to bother me because my sin and pride were tightly woven throughout. Once the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to this attitude, I wanted God to control this area of my life. So I prayed and read God's Word for answers, but was still left with many questions and unfulfillment. Some Scriptures said to focus my ministry and my life on God and God alone. I agreed with those Scriptures. I pursued God and gave him the credit when he used me for something. Phrases such as, "It wasn't me; it was Christ working through me," and "Praise God, praise God" became frequent. Sometimes, however, they sounded insincere and every time pride kicked in. Some people felt awkward when I used those phrases. I began to feel the same and realized I behaved like Peter, James and John when they were on the Mount of Transfiguration with Jesus. I wanted to camp out here. Then boom!! It hit me that I was out of balance.
The Holy Spirit prompted me to something, A Need For brokenness. I had to tap my shoulder and remind myself that I needed to surrender. Sometimes when God wants to sensitize you about brokenness he takes away the most important thing from us. He may cause pain but he supports and provides the strength you need to keep going. The amount of pain you experience in times of brokenness depends on what is being broken (jealousy, pride, greed, lustful thoughts and actions, etc) and how long it has been a part of your life. Brokenness is a sign of His love and activity in your life. He breaks your self-reliance because He loves you. He knows if you are left on your own, you would yield to pride and selfish feelings.
You may loose a relationship, a career, a marriage, a business etc so that God can make you learn how to give up your will and allow his. Brokenness stops at the point where your spirit yields to God's will. The moment He senses a true desire within you to obey His Word is when He eases the pain.
God will never allow brokenness to crush you. God's ultimate goal for brokenness is spiritual victory. The Lord had one thing in mind for the brokenness Paul experienced, and that was spiritual victory. You will soon discover that only Jesus Christ can take your weakness and turn it into strength, hope, and honor. We are redeemed, Halleluyah!!
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