SILENT TEARS

Physical abuse is one topic that couples don't like talking about. I have seen marriages go down the drain because people go through this and they say nothing about it. Many Christian  couples will walk to church with a smile but nobody takes the time to remove the mask behind the smiles to see the unfulfillment, the tears, the heartbreaks.
Personally, I have experienced verbal abuse and physical abuse and I was dying inside every day by keeping quiet about it. I would smile but go home and cry in silence. I used to smile to hide the pain but there came a time that I couldn't hide it anymore. I had to speak and I had to speak out loud if not scream. The pain of physical abuse was too much for me to bear. What gave me the strength to talk about it and be set free is the book of Exodus.  I seeked God deeply in my pain when I realized its o lying him I could depend on. It seemed God sensed my deep pains and gave me a revelation from the story of Moses and the Israelites. What the children of Israel needed was freedom and to enter rest.
From then on,  I got this understanding of the biblical perspective on domestic violence(Revelation is personal). When God created man,  he gave him dominion over the earth but the only right he didn't give him was dominion over another human being. God created man and woman in his own image and likeness and made them equal(In his eyes). They were perfect beings to him. Genesis 1 and 2 depicts marriage as a one-flesh, a beautiful relationship. Marriage was God's idea and God's plans are beautiful so they must be enjoyed. Ephesians 5:21 talks about mutual submission. Ephesians 5:22–24 explains wife's submissiveness to their husband, while verses 25–33 talk about a husband’s self-sacrificial love for his wife(Love your wife as Christ loves the church). First Peter 3:1–7 gives similar instructions. First Corinthians 7:4 says, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” The two belong to one another and are called to love one another as Christ loved us perfectly. Marriage is an image of Christ and the Church. Domestic violence is then clearly not the character of Jesus. Though victims appear to be physically okay most times and the wounds on their body healed, the emotional and psychological scars runs deep beyond imagination and may take several years to heal. Most times Victims may distrust God and from the human perspective, they may totally luck trust in fellow beings. I have personally been in this position as much I am born again. I asked God so many questions. Why would He allow such things to happen? Is He trustworthy? Does He really love me? Where was He when I was being abused?. Most times I found myself battling with fear and my trust levels were at zero.  I couldn't trust anyone that showed any kind of interest in me.  It got to a point were by, any man that showed an interest of any kind in me was an enemy.  I couldn't stand them in any case.  All my male friends and colleagues at that point in time got it so rough. I disliked everything that comes with being a man.  You may ask why?.  This is the truth right here: I was made to believe I was ugly,  from the inside-out. I was made to believe I was not good enough.  I was also made to believe that I didn't deserve to be with a good man because I didn't measure up in his eyes. As much as I tried not to believe these things,  they still got to me. I had low self esteem. I hated how I look,  I hated who I was at that particular time. Nobody would convince me that God still loves the person I was then. I forgot he is a never changing God.  Pain can sometimes get you to such a place,  where you believe nothing,  feel nothing,  express nothing neither see a future that is great. The healing process takes time. It took time for me to get were I am today and It is Okay to express anger over the abuse. It is okay to cry and release the emotional baggage that comes with it. It's okay to acknowledge the anger, the confusion, the hurt, the shame. It is okay to feel all those things but Ultimately, forgiveness is the thing that will set one free. But true forgiveness cannot be extended if the scars of the abuse are not first acknowledged and dealt with. I had to acknowledge that he had hurt me so bad.  I had to acknowledge that I was not okay from the inside.  I had to start believing. Believing that God still loves me,  believe that men are different, believe that I am beautiful and that only God has a say over my life. I am not the person that I was three years ago. God has totally worked on me and I am still work in progress. I had to allow the Holy Spirit to do what he had to do,  walk with me and be my guide.  I am still learning about relationships, I am still learning how to trust again,  I am still learning from God every day about his superiority in my life.  No matter how much pain you go through, never stop believing God is working on you on a daily basis. Allow him to do what he has to do.  Before God gets you to where he wants you to be, sometimes there may be pain.  Separation is a must.  He must separate you, completely Isolate you from the crowd so that he can work on you and teach you on how to depend on him alone as much as you have people in your life.  He will teach you things in the fire, listen keenly and open your eyes to what he is doing in your life. When he separates you,  he only requires you to surrender so that he can be who he is in your life.  You ought to SURRENDER!!!. Relationships and Marriage are beautiful. Marriage works. Enjoy it as it is God's plan.